...in the bottom drawer
I knew I'd lose it so I put it in a safe place, and now I can't remember where it is.

currently stashed in: Cheshire Street, London
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February 20, 2005 || 7:56 pm

Hanification 3 and 4

I may as well come clean about a bit more Hanification that actually occurred some time ago.

The tape measure. I cut it in half with the chopsaw by mistake.

The hammer. I managed to break the wooden handle off from the metal head while trying to remove a nail from a 2-by. Crappy hammer, I say, but still...I got one with an all-metal construction as a replacement.

And as I write, people are offering me a responsible job for next year, fools. For those who are confused, 'hanification' was a term coined by one of my best friends to describe the process whereby I manage to somehow ruin anything of value or usefulness that I come into contact with. First applied (I think) to a pair of treasured second-hand Green Flash trainers circa 1997 which I wore out until they were more hole than shoe. I was subsequently informed that the BF had 'hanified' her Green Flashes while gorge-walking in Cyprus and she could think of no better term for what she had done to them other than invoking my name. Subsequent 'hanifications' include expensive clothing and shoes (rips, paintstains, burns, scuffs), most items of a electronic nature, gifts, etc. A true 'hanification' should not render the object functionally useless but merely show an obvious devaluing flaw. Psychologists may say it is a form of marking my territory, and saying 'this is irredeemably mine' and I tend not to feel fully comfortable with a new item until it has undergone some hanification. To this end, I have taken to buying pre-hanified (ie second-hand) items. I really punish my belongings...



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