Winning the Ashes

I can't really believe I'm sitting here while the Ashes are being won by England at the Oval. I saw the very first balls of this series at Lords in July and now...I'm here where no-one understands cricket, let alone the importance of this moment - and I just want to jump up and down and scream for joy! it's a terrible predicament - it's also only lunchtime and I desperately want to get champagne drunk.

What to do. Test Match Special over the internet and the Guardian over-by-over commentary only serve to increase my jealousy of my good friends back home who I know are in the pub right now. Please, can we have a delayed celebration next week when I get home? I've never been a more bizarre mixture of utterly ecstatic and completely depressed at having no-one to share it with.